I was in the Island Express today coming back home. As always i was hopeful that somehow i could find a seat somewhere. So after getting into the train i started that familiar prowl from one compartment to the other only to find out that for the next few hours I was destined to be enjoying(if i could) those scenes outside standing at the door. I must say that they no longer drew my attention.
This is the time when you get into some serious thinking.I thought about those lucky guys who got a seat and seeing some of them making up for some lost sleep made me mad(not really) and i thought why these trains are always so crowded.surely, it’s not because they are too small that makes us think that the world is inside them. Anyway, thats not my matter of concern at least untill the next journey.
After a while i naturally turned my attention to the outside and that thought came into my mind.What if i just jump outside of the train now.I knew i was never going to do it. But it was rather a good subject to ponder myself with. I was sure that it was not the first time that i engage myself with these silly(if it is) mysticisms. So “what is it that makes a man commit suicide?”.
Is it that difficult to commit suicide? One way of looking at it is that there are more people taking their life off than getting a nobel prize every year. That sounds too simple. After all it is an easy thing to do if you just consider the physical efforts needed to do it as the metric. Like in this case, the distance between me and the door. What makes it difficult is then that desire to go on and live a better life if possible.
The reasons for one deciding to kill himself vary from one case to another. But they all have the same goal or purpose. Actually will one have any goal after setting their mind on a premature end to their life ? Suddenly something struck me. An answer with a tag saying that this must be right.We don’t often get them such that you trust them. The answer i got was pretty interesting. Nobody would do anything without hoping to achieve something at the end of it. The same goes for suicide also. So what is it that they are trying to achieve?
Consider the case of a poor man who decides to end his journey middle way through in a train. He should be suffering from many hardships in his life to convince himself that this is the only possible way out for him.So when he takes that last step forward, ahead of him lies some short moments of joy and relief. He gets that split second where he realises that he is then free from all his troubles. He no longer has any debts or liabilities. He is no more dependent on anyone or anything in the world. He is his own man for that fraction of time. That must be some feeling for a man who had all his happiness taken away from him and that’s exactly what he craves for.
So i was quite pleased at the end of that session of thinking knowing that i now have an answer to the question “what makes a man commit suicide?”. Even though that session had ended then, my journey still had three-quarters of it left. Thats the beauty of human mind. It can take you to anywhere within seconds and come back in double quick time that not even a bullet train could do let alone our electric trains.